Monthly Archives: May 2013

The Battle of thought-Poem

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The Power of Thought - NARA - 534178

The Power of Thought – NARA – 534178 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I fight with my thinking.

It is so unfair.

I battle with thought.

Does any one care?

 

Turmoil and Confusion

I made it my own.

Working on being positive

like a quilt being sown.

 

Take  it one step at a time

 and the progress will show.

I tell myself each moment

that nobody will know.

 

Yes I struggle and fight

only with myself.

In hopes of some day

I  put  my book on a shelf.

 

Will it end there

or will I need more?

Questioning my limits

is what is in store.

 

I need new rhythm

to my words and song.

The battle with thought

is becoming all wrong.

 

A disease,  A cancer

that will   plague my dream.

To most a side step of life

is all it will seem.

 

 I look out to the sun

he is smiling on me.

Do not give up

this is what is to be.

My baby girl is growing each day…My Novel…She is a beauty!

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English: Albert Einstein Français : portrait d...

English: Albert Einstein Français : portrait d’Albert Einstein (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

After taking a tiny break away from my novel. It was the worst week every. Again, I will say I was doubting what I had written. I started bashing myself for even thinking I could write AGAIN. I was  having emotional trauma. Ii was the battle with the self that was keeping me in a negative world. After class Thursday I convinced my self AGAIN, I am writing this novel for me.
REMEMBER, I do love it. I will finish. I will publish it. I’ve been reading and rewriting(cleaning up and polishing) for two weeks now. Holding on to words of others.

Albert Einstein- I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.

Eleanor Roosevelt-The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

Ella Fitzgerald-Don’t give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, you can’t go wrong.

I will admit it is a battle with my thinking and acting on it. Isn’t that always how it is. When I throw my pen down and all but give up, that voice of “give it one more try” pops into my head. Week two of edditing and rewriting come to a close. One step foward and two steps back. I have started on book two to keep my creativity alive. Honestly I so enjoyed the writing part that I had to treat my self to a reason to indulge. Poetry was helping but it was only the appertizer. I needed the meal of writing. Although you can make a meal out of appetizers it just doesn’t  fill me up. Until I blog again my friend!

Another step closer…My Novel is forming into a beautiful butterfly

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English: Comma butterfly on Hemp Agrimony near...

English: Comma butterfly on Hemp Agrimony near 908552 See 1110097 for same closer-up. Also see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comma_(butterfly) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have stepped away from my novel for a week, suggested by my teacher, Mike Ray King. This weeks class we started on editing and rewriting. I will admit not reading it made me doubt myself a bit. As they say the hardest battle is always with the self. I was thinking it wasn’t good enough to be published and I was wasting my time. I have learned, I was wrong. I have absolutely loved every step I have made towards a finished product. As I have been sitting here going over the story and rewriting some of my words. The excitement of it, is back. I realized I was the caterpillar as I wrote. In a cocoon state editing and rewriting. The finished product a butterfly, just as my novels story flows. There is a bond, friendship and meaning with this novel. I can’t put the feelings to words. It is an attachment that I must continue to nourish. I know this is something I am supposed to do, my fate. I will admit there was a lot of time and effort put in it, but it was worth each second I spent. The more I read over it, the more in love with it I become. It is amazing the effect I get from each word. As I think back to when I was writing the story, I ask myself “How did I come up with that?” I’m still bewildered. They say you don’t choose a book, it chooses you. I do believe this one choose me. This story wanted to be written and I am the one who wrote it. I will see it through to the end. No matter how long it takes. I don’t expect fame or fortune. I would just like to have someone  benefit from it or recognize the beauty in our everyday lives that get taken for granted. I will not give up!
I am an author!

Scared of what may come

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Reasonable doubt

Reasonable doubt (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Doubt and fear….not seen to the eye

trust and belief…practiced with each breath

learning to live…..wanting to love

hearing the song…..holding back each tear

laughter is there…..finding its way

sun is shining……moon is glowing

books are written…..some never read

 world rotates….. there is no perfect place

some live happily……some live ever after

The light of day

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Lite Brite at Nuit Blanche 2009, Toronto, Canada.

Lite Brite at Nuit Blanche 2009, Toronto, Canada. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For I have seen the light of day.

Flickers of energy are here to stay.

I have it now, for I have seen.

Sprinkle of hope, for my soul is clean.

He whispers sweet words to guide me far.

I shall sparkle and twinkle as bright as a star.

Faith and perseverance is what I will strive.

Believe in my heart to keep it alive. 

A tree with branches that touch the ground.

Its roots so deep for that I have found.

Beneath it all is who I have been born.

View the beauty of the rose not the thorn.

It is out there for everyone to inhale.

Soaking it up is all it will in tale.

 

 

 

First Draft….Done!

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books

books (Photo credit: brody4)

I have just finish my first draft…..I did it. I have now accomplished something in my life at 41 that I always said I was going to do. I can not explain the feeling that I am having.  So unexplainable that no word is powerful enough to put down. I am very excited to start the rewriting and editing. Now that my novel is on paper I want to read it over and over. She is so beautiful almost like the baby girl I never had. I have two boys,  love them dearly and always wanted boys. I do occasionally love the girl stuff or at least miss the girl stuff. I live in a very testosterone driven  house hold. I hope to be getting some people lined up for proofreading in approximately two weeks that is the time limit I am giving myself to clean her up a bit. Very excited about someone else reading it and giving me the honest truth. I love it and it is all that matters. I guess to know someone else loves it, even likes it, or doesn’t like it. I’ll be okay with that too.  Very mixed emotions I am trying to figure out. I am assuming I just need to know if they feel what I felt when I wrote it.  If they do then I know I accomplished more than what I had set out to do. I want to put my book on your shelf, after you have read it of  course.

On Chapter nine……almost there without a care…. poem

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Checking out a book

Checking out a book (Photo credit: UBC Library)

The light at the end of the tunnel

 the story I have chosen.

Already missing my lovers words

The ending  to a closing.

Almost there…. without a care.

 

The polishing and rewriting

that must get done.

No  regretful  hours of typing

I have already won.

Almost there….without a care.

 

My words etched in paper

to inspire  a few.

This unforgettable journey

oh… if you only knew.

Almost there….. without a care…..I guess I’ll share.