Monthly Archives: March 2016

Chasing a personal Butterfly-PART THREE-Submit to depression?

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Sunshine on my shoulders looks so lovely…I am back and you guessed it! I’m out in the sun again soaking up sunshine. I will tell you this, TODAY I feel fabulous! That wasn’t always the case. After I went through a detoxify from the aspartame poisoning and slowly trying to regulate my blood pressure holistically, I finally surrendered and went to our local urgent care for blood pressure medicine. (I hate taking pills) I then was put on a low dose of medicine. (later I learned it was an adrenaline blocker. That was when my mental state plummeted. Not only was I extremely tired, but I was sad. Nothing was sparking my interest. I would have, maybe two hours, to get something accomplished before my fatigue would set in. Each day was worse than the next. I was isolating myself from everyone, everything and wanted to nothing but sleep. A simple walk across the room was like running a marathon. My legs were weak and my bones ached. Although these symptoms had no doubt improved after I stopped drinking the diet drinks-they were back and in full force.

I returned to the doctor and explained EVERY feeling I was having. I even said “I think something is wrong with my brain!” I could not stay focused. There also was a few times I miss spell my own name! I would forget simple things. (Like the fact that I was cooking dinner!) Yes I went from being a pretty darn good cook to burning EVERYTHING! I detached from everyone, even my husband and children. Who ever this person was…was not me!!!

That is when the testing began. I was referred to heart specialist. (Same specialist that was watching my heart murmur over the years). I had blood work done and started a new blood pressure medicine. (Two pills now) Both doctors suggested anti-depressants. (REALLY? I’M NOT DEPRESSED! I JUST DON’T FEEL GOOD! IF I FELT GOOD I WOULDN’T appear to BE DEPRESSED!) I denied the tought taking ANTI-DEPRESSANT! I was becoming frustrated. Between being told I was depressed, it was pre-menopause, signs of thyroid and sign of low blood sugar, I wanted to give up. (On everything! I wasn’t suicidal but had no hope left. I would never feel like my old self again.) I will admit the days I drank my lemon water or apple cider were the better days, but getting up the drive to do it was my problem.

Now during this time period I was in the edit process of book three. So worry and panic infiltrated my days at times on top of being tired.  The bags under my eyes were becoming apparent to everyone. There wasn’t a day that went by that someone didn’t say to me “You look tired.” – REALLY? I WAS TIRED!! That is when I started listening to self-hypnosis CD’s. Mentally, this was helping me. The CD’s were helping me find… that the me I knew, was still there. She was waiting for the sun to come out so she could play… But I was starting to  submit to depression as the culprit… I started researching Foods for moods. There is a lot of great info out there. Here are a few…

http://altmedicine.about.com/od/popularhealthdiets/a/moodfood.htm

http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/food-to-balance-your-mood

https://www.caring.com/articles/best-foods-for-mood

What I was learning was helping. That is when I knew… I wasn’t going insane, and it was something physical and not mental. The chasing was almost over. After three years of searching, my blood work came back and we found the culprit…

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chasing a personal butterfly-PART TWO- Detox time…

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Another day in the sunshine I sit to tell you more of my personal chase. In part one I explained my troubles and struggles with my health and mental stability. All that remained after I stop drinking Diet drinks. I will say this I was feeling a lot healthier but still wasn’t my self. I decided to detox my body from all things that were not natural to my body. Here are a couple of great ways to cleans your insides…

http://www.detoxandbodycleanse.com/detox-juice-recipes/benefits-of-drinking-lemon-water/

 

http://health.usnews.com/health-news/blogs/eat-run/2013/12/06/the-surprising-benefits-of-apple-cider-vinegar

I thought I had finally found what my body was asking for. It was working for many of my issues. Now here is where I am going to get very personal. I suffer from a form of colitis. IBS is part of my life. I have had this for approximately 20 years. Not a day going by that it doesn’t affect me in some way or another. I will say, stopping the Diet Mountain Dew did improve my stomach issues to some extent. Mentally, I was dropping further into a  saddened state. My Diet Mountain Dew was my HAPPY drug. Sounds crazy right? Really it made me feel good, well at least I felt like it did. Drinking the lemon water was cleanings it from my body. The lemon water was also giving me some energy. I have to say the apple cider too was giving me the same affects. It was helping but slowly I was becoming depressed. So my chase was not over…

TO BE CONTINUED…

Chasing a personal Butterfly-PART ONE- Just the beginning…

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I started out this morning sitting out in the sunlight soaking up some rays. I have always been a lover of sunshine, so this was a very enjoyable experience to me. Now after two years of searching for this particular butterfly (AS TO WHY I WASN’T QUITE MYSELF) I believe I have finally found THE ANSWER.

It all began with a lot of emotions, I have been unable to completely understand myself. The last 4 years I have been struggling with high blood pressure, feeling of anxiousness, social anxiety, panic attacks, achy bones, and muscles. The list could go on for a while. I honestly thought I was going insane and dying in the process. I know what you are thinking, it sounds like hormones, or premenopausal and just the 40 syndrome(Mid life crises) what ever you want to refer to it as. I even thought I was changing into a hypochondriac! I too was ready to accept it as just an age thing for women. I can remember back at my 40th birthday party everyone telling me(mostly women) that 40 is when ever part of you body starts to hurt and falling apart. I wasn’t falling a part and I was going to refuse to let that happen. Guess what? It some how did.

I would wake up daily asking myself why I wasn’t happy and not feeling right. In my eyes everything was looking up for us. The years before my 40th were tough years but we were on upside of our struggle. Things were getting better, business was picking up, work was coming in, bills were getting paid, food was in the fridge and we were even able to take a vacation from it all. I had written my first book and I was doing everything I always dreamed of doing. But physically, my body kept telling me “You aren’t you any more.” I was fighting that idea daily and it truly was a struggle. I would have these strange episodes of dizziness. Not the kind from spinning around or getting up to fast, these episodes were different. I would be completely still and my eyes felt like they were rolling around in my head. It scared the daylights out of me. Come to find out it really was scaring the “daylights” out of me. I was starting to feel like I was falling farther into a depression of some sort. I was petrified to go anywhere! Again I was going to fight this because this person was not ME!

So my first step was to try to get my blood pressure under control. I first started out with a holistic approach. The right foods and exercise.  My energy levels were extremely low so this was a difficult challenge. At that time I did what I was able too. Caffeine was my best friend!(Which isn’t good for the blood pressure or a holistic approach) Diet Mountain Dew was my drink of choice. I was drinking up to 6 12 Fl Oz a day, just to function through my day. Mind you, I was staying close to home because I was have these social anxiety problems. You would think with that much sugar and caffeine I would have a ridiculously clean house and be ready to take over the world.  Some days yes, but majority of the days, I struggled with the basics. I started researching effects of diet cola’s on the body particularly Diet Mountain Dew. That was when I decided to quite my Diet Mountain Dew addiction. I had all of the symptoms of aspartame poisoning. Heck I had been drinking Diet Cola since I was 14 years old. That is 30 years of poisoning. Quitting drinking Diet drinks with aspartame helped but it wasn’t fixing my problems ( it was only part of my problem.) I advise anyone that drink diet drinks to stop or at least try to drink very little amounts because it can really do damage to your body. Check out the link below.

http://www.md-health.com/Aspartame-Poisoning.html

This was only the beginning of my chase…

TO BE CONTINUED

Passion

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Passion for words…

Cristian Mihai

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“Passion has little to do with euphoria and everything to do with patience. It is not about feeling good. It is about endurance. Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer.” — Mark Z. Danielewski

I first started writing twelve years ago. I thought it would be easy. I didn’t like to read, but I did like to imagine.

For a long time it was a lot easier to imagine than to write.

Passion as a feeling carried me at all kinds of ceremonies and book signings and stuff. It was all so clear. I was going to become rich and famous and my words would change the world.

What words?

Exactly.

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