Monthly Archives: May 2018

Lael Braday ~ I Hear Her Crying

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DM du Jour

My baby girl died. But…

I hear her crying in the grave. They call it grief and force laudanum upon me. The drug weighs me down and slurs my words. Maxim, my love, does not understand my urgency. I cannot go to her grave with this weakness in my limbs. I can barely control the urge to scream. My fury rises in my like a wild animal. My baby hasn’t much time.

Curse the doctors! “Leave my home!” I scream.

I must save her. I cannot sleep. I send her love with all my heart. My soul cries out to a God I do not believe in to keep her until I reach her.

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Horror sweeps over me as I awaken to Maxim watching over me from his rocking chair. I rise to climb in his lap and cry silently onto his shoulder. His tears also fall quietly. He…

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Mother’s Day without Momma

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I got a text last week from my brother, he is the oldest of all of us kids. It read WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT MOTHER’S DAY? My first instinct was to not respond. To avoid the thought of celebrating that day. It has only been three months. I wasn’t ready to celebrate that day without her. I was still and couldn’t respond. My sister then responded I’M GOING TO LAY IN BED AND CRY ALL DAY. I watched the text conversation and still I never responded. I felt the same way. I didn’t want to celebrate Mother’s day, although I am a mother, to me is was just another day coming, without my Momma. I cried when the messages went silent. I knew both my brother and sisters were feeling just as I was, probably crying as well. I thought back to last year’s Mother’s Day and I remember how sad I felt about celebrating without my mother-in-law being present. She had passed a month after Mother’s day of the previous year. My Momma had said to me “the first year without them is the hardest, but once you conquer those holiday’s, the rest won’t seem so bad.” My Momma’s voice played over in my mind, as if she was reciting those words to me again.
After a couple of days of not responding, a voice inside my mind said, WE CAN’T AVOID MOTHER’S DAY, MOMMA LOVED TO CELEBRATE MOTHER’S DAY! This voice was loud and wasn’t taking no for an answer.
You see, my mom loved to celebrate all the Holiday’s, she really didn’t celebrate Mother’s day because she was a mother; she celebrated all MOTHERS. If you were a Mother you were some kind of special. She would bring potted plants, cards, and goodies to every mother on Mother’s Day. The first year I was a Mother, she made sure I knew Mothers needed to be celebrated, she slipped me $50 to go get my hair done. Meanwhile, all I gave her was a card with baby split-up on it and a couple of scratch offs. Today, I totally understand why all Mother’s need to be celebrated, and I hope I can become the mother that she was.
So as I pondered on my thoughts and feelings about “Mother’s Day”, I knew we had to make something happened as a family. We need to still congregate together without Momma and celebrate all Mother’s. Not the fact that our mother was gone. I know she will be right there with us, she is already appointing everyone a responsibility. She wants me to bring some homemade macaroni salad. You know, the kind of macaroni salad with the little salad shrimp in it? One of Momma’s favorites.
We all decided to keep it simple. We have planned to all arrive at Momma and Daddy’s house, cook some hamburgers and hotdogs on Daddy’s grill, the one Momma had gotten for him last year. Add some slaw and baked beans to the plate and enjoy time with Daddy. We will celebrate all Mother’s. The Mother’s here and the ones in heaven. Sure it will be a tearful day without her, but I can assure you this, my Momma would approve.
HAPPY MOTHER’s DAY all of you awesome MOM’s!

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Happy Mother’s Day Momma!