Have you ever watch a horror move? The victim’s response to the monster or villain is either fight, flight, or they freeze. These are the natural human response to the monsters in our lives. These monsters are our hardships, hurdles or just plain and simple, our emotional setbacks. Today, mine is Grief. Throughout my life time, there has been many, and with each one I faced, I responded with one, two or all of these responses.
My word for today is paralyzed. I get this overwhelming pressure of loss when I think of my momma, today marks one month. I feel dread, fear, all the monster in this horror show. Which in turn, I face it, but don’t move. I can’t move. I am like this helpless creature just waiting without acting but allowing the monster to consume me. I’m paralyzed.
My mother’s passing has brought all of the responses in my thoughts. I feel as though I am fighting my way out of pain. So I am in constant search for a strategy to find my way to end this fight. That is where the flight comes into play. I want to run somewhere, to a place that I feel peace in my heart. If not peace but a sense of healing, so here I am again writing.
I have had my altercations with depression and I never want to return to that dark place again because that is not me. Yet right now I feel its ugly face staring me right in the eyes. I’m scared but fight mode isn’t kicking in… Flight process isn’t an option. So I freeze. I cry, get on my knees and pray then get up to write. I miss you Momma!
Floyd Mayweather verses Conor McGregor, we got our money’s worth. Did you get to see that fight? Well, I sure did. My oldest son earlier in the week had ask if we could rent this fight. He wanted to have friends over have some snacks. We decided make it a night for him to hang with his buddies at home. I thought what the heck “teenage boys” home… It was a logical yes. They would be home and not out looking for trouble. So we agreed. The strangest part of it all, is what I got out of this fight…
How many of us that watched the fight woke up from a dream of boxing? Well, I did. This girl right here… I was boxing in my dreams. I was winning too. My opponent was swinging these massive punches at me and at the right moment, I would duck and then jab making direct contact with her jaw. It was very vivid dream. I ducked and jabbed several times not once allowing her to make contact with my face. Yet I felt, if she did make contact, I was okay with it because either way I was going to win.
Sounds like a crazy dream right. Well, as I am ducking and jabbing. I started to notice she, my opponent, was tiring from all the punches she was throwing at me. For a few moments, I began to feel very bad for her. So I stopped ducking, to allow her to get a hit in. She swung and hit me right in the nose. And it was okay that she had hit me. Wow, this was really an adrenaline driven dream. No matter what, I was winning! I felt this in my dream… The really craziest thing is my opponent was me…
So now you know, I learned something about myself, all from watching Mayweather verses McGregor. No matter what I’ll always win the fight. Remember this, when you are in the ring, the toughest opponent is always yourself, and not some unknown fighter.
I know a lot of self-help books say the hardest battle is with the self, or you are your greatest enemy. This is so true, I know this. But there is something about actually watching myself boxing with my opponent (My other self) that made me see, that no matter what, I leave the ring as a winner…