Tag Archives: prayer

Write through Grief-Paralyzed

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Paralyzed
Have you ever watch a horror move? The victim’s response to the monster or villain is either fight, flight, or they freeze. These are the natural human response to the monsters in our lives. These monsters are our hardships, hurdles or just plain and simple, our emotional setbacks. Today, mine is Grief. Throughout my life time, there has been many, and with each one I faced, I responded with one, two or all of these responses.
My word for today is paralyzed. I get this overwhelming pressure of loss when I think of my momma, today marks one month. I feel dread, fear, all the monster in this horror show. Which in turn, I face it, but don’t move. I can’t move. I am like this helpless creature just waiting without acting but allowing the monster to consume me. I’m paralyzed.
My mother’s passing has brought all of the responses in my thoughts. I feel as though I am fighting my way out of pain. So I am in constant search for a strategy to find my way to end this fight. That is where the flight comes into play. I want to run somewhere, to a place that I feel peace in my heart. If not peace but a sense of healing, so here I am again writing.
I have had my altercations with depression and I never want to return to that dark place again because that is not me. Yet right now I feel its ugly face staring me right in the eyes. I’m scared but fight mode isn’t kicking in… Flight process isn’t an option. So I freeze. I cry, get on my knees and pray then get up to write. I miss you Momma!

blog paralyzed

 

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English: Wooden door Looking out of the door o...

English: Wooden door Looking out of the door of Freston tower Freston Suffolk a Landmark property opened for Heritage open days 2008 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

After the years of storing stress of others and fears of my own.

My doors have open and freed them.

The sadness and emptiness that I held for years,

has been released into Gods hands.

I have opened my doors to a new life.

Accepting what enters with loving anticipation.

I am fulfilled with what I have accomplished.

I trust the future is only mine to make positive.

I welcome it with a open door and will keep it safe from the outside.

Weathered I may become but  my light will always stay warm and kind.

Maintenance of the self-will be a priority no matter how bad the weather gets.

I will show myself as an example of how all insides should look.

I may still make mistakes, but I will learn from them.

My door is open ready and waiting.

My door has opened to a new life