Today I decided to jump… on the band wagon. May I say this was very hard for me to do. This is a subject that hits very close to my heart. This week was very hard for me because I saw how everyone was jumping on the Robin Williams band wagon. Some for personal gain others because it hit home for them. It hit home for me as well. I did want to tell my story to help those needing that help but also didn’t want to jump on the personal gain band wagon. Chasing Butterflies in the Magical Garden was written to help people deal better with the suicide issue. It was the main reason I wrote it. SIGN #1. It was based on actual events that played out in my life. This is a subject that is very hard for people to talk about and I too struggle with. I’m not a wonderful writer but I will improve in time. My intentions for writing the book was help someone (Even if it is only one person) See how beautiful our lives can be especially after over coming hard obstacles life throws at us. What made me decide to write Chasing Butterflies in the Magical Garden? I had a story that suicide impacted. I had beautiful relationship, beautiful memories and beautiful moments were created because of tragedies like this and others that were prevented. Something I always say to myself when looking back… if we wouldn’t have survived that, then the other wonderful things would have never happened.
Why I decided to jump was…I believe in signs! I believe they come from God. They are to help guide us in the direction best suited for us. I’m not out to convince anyone of this but it is how I believe. I believed he was helping me through the writing process of Chasing Butterflies in the Magical Garden. Why you ask? Because I got signs! Yep, I sure did. (That will be another book)- Writing this blog Signs were slapping me in the face again! I scrolled Facebook daily reading quotes from Robin Williams and all the movies he had played in. My favorite movie of all time was “What Dreams May Come” I loved it so much that when it hit DVD my husband bought it for me. I have literally watched it a hundred times and each time I found something I missed. Ironically that movie was about suicide SIGN #2. Then Becky Pourchot (a fellow author) had a blog-Thanks for the Camel-thetransparentauthor.wordpress.com- SIGN#3 Take a look at it and you can understand more. That moment I started to look for “MY SIGNS” I realize there were many.(I am only mentioning the ones that stand out the most.) and if I should even blog about this subject. Then I look on Amazon my review page and see two really bad reviews of my book. (No that wasn’t a sign) I was devastated. My heart crumbled as though it was being ripped from my chest. (I secretly had been waiting for a bad review) I never expected to NOT get a bad review, just was not expecting them to be that negative.(Almost down right evil). I was very close to stopping myself from writing any more, at least for the public. That being announced, which too was very hard for me. I saw myself sinking like a rock, wanting to stop communicating and rereading them over and over. (Mind you I have 33 awesome reviews) but I dwelled on the two bad ones. Why you ask? I suppose it is part of our human nature. I sat staring at the bad reviews and said a prayer to God. It was something like this…
I’m ok that I got the bad reviews. I’m not asking you to make me a better writer or them a nicer reviewer. I am asking you to give me strength to continue writing, continue helping people with my writing. My intentions are good intentions and that is all I ask of you. I will work hard as I am able. I will become better on my own. I am asking you to help me help people coup with life tragedies, imperfections and losses.
Not long after, I signed onto Facebook the first picture that showed up on my computer screen SIGN#4-I KID YOU NOT!
Yep, a BUTTERFLY and Robin Williams- notice the quote! My words, even if they are simple, they can reach a greater number of people. My idea’s may be strange but they too can reach people. So my question is (to myself) could I change the world? Maybe not but if I can change one persons life, I’m a step in the right direction!
Thank you God…because today I write…